She laughed softly, knowing Daniel was rolling his eyes again.

"Okay, given that I knew all that, I still went after Anubis?  How wasn't that just plain stupid?"

Sam shook her heard.  "If you hadn't, we would have all been dead."

"You don't know that."

"I'm as confident as it's possible to be without cold hard facts.  All the data suggests that would have been the outcome.  And maybe not just us.  The Colonel wasn't joking when he said maybe the entire universe as we know it."

Her words were all the more effective for the quiet, assured delivery.  If she'd been passionate and fiery, he would have suspected rhetoric.  Daniel sighed again, thinking about the tablet and the heartache it had caused.

"When Jonas isn't working on it, we keep the tablet locked in one of the safes.  I can get it for you tomorrow."

Daniel pulled back, just a little, to look at his companion.  "Okay.  That was weird."

"What?  That I knew what you were thinking?"  Sam grinned.  "Did you think it only worked between you and the Colonel?"

"Well," he faltered.  "Yes, actually.  We can do it, too?"

"To a certain extent, we all share the ability.  Perhaps not to the level you and the Colonel have achieved, but, yes, absolutely, you and I share that ability as well."

"You mean - all of SG-1?  Teal'c as well?"

"Didn't he read you pretty well this afternoon?"

"Well, yes . . . but . . ."

"But . . . what?" 

It had seemed to Sam, the connection previously forged between the members of SG-1 had, with Daniel's return, become almost a living thing.  She knew both she and Teal'c had experienced the fright and disorientation of Daniel's nightmares.  Clearly, since the Colonel had been sleeping on base for the last three nights, he was experiencing it as well.

"Nothing.  Just surprised.  But that seems to be SOP now.  In the woods this afternoon . . . I guess I found the place I needed to go to trust again.  It's been . . . elusive."

"That's not especially surprising.  Life has never been easy for you."

"So, maybe it's not such a bad thing - this not remembering."

"Knowing you, you won't be able to leave it alone until you've remembered it all."

"See, there it is again. You said I wasn't stupid.  Given what I’ve read in my file, why would I even want to remember?  It sure sounds stupid to me."

"Unfortunately, I don't believe you have it in you to just shrug off the past and look at this as a new beginning.  You said it this afternoon.  An archeologist . . . without a past?  How can you not dig until you've found it all again?"

"Why can't I be satisfied being a linguist?"

"Don't forget Egyptologist, Doctor Jackson.  And, I don't know, maybe because that's not the way you were built?"

"Faulty design then."

"Uhmm," Sam snuggled her cheek against his shoulder again.  "I kind of like you just the way you are." 

He said nothing more, though she felt the soft exhalation of his breath in another sigh.  She clasped her arms loosely around his waist in a gentle, non-threatening hug, and felt his arms come naturally around her shoulders. 

"It's so good to feel you as flesh and blood again. I missed you so much!"  This time there was both fire and passion in her voice.

Daniel was very aware it was not rhetoric.

After awhile Sam straightened up.  "Ready to go in?"

"No, I'm going to stay out a little longer.  Are you a hockey fan?"

"Not so much."  She rose.  "But, you know, hanging around the Colonel, some of it's bound to rub off on us.  I keep up with the standings so I at least know what he's talking about.  No, I think I'm going home." 

Daniel's nightmares were depriving them of all of sleep and she was tired, not that she planned to share that with him.  She bent and hugged him fiercely, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. 

"Okay?"

"Of course you can go home."

"Brat.  Not what I meant and you know it."

His head dipped in acknowledgment.  "Well, if you guys have anything to say about it . . . I will be . . . eventually . . . I suppose."

"Damn straight." Sam grinned. “I hope – eventually - you'll want it just as much as we do."

"Oh, I imagine – eventually - I will."

She laughed outright.  "Oh, Daniel, I do love you so!"

"Back at you, kiddo."  He turned, smiling up at her.  "Thanks."

"No thanks necessary, but you're entirely welcome.  Try to get some sleep, will you?"

He offered a perfect salute.  "Absolutely, Major-Doctor, sir."

"It's probably a really good thing you're not military.  Good night, Daniel."

"Nite, Sam." 

Daniel planted his elbows on the step behind him and turned his gaze back up to the stars.  He had no desire to go up to the roof now, but neither did he want to go in and watch a boring hockey game. 

A shooting star flashed across the dark sky, blazing a wide trail behind it for several seconds before burning out as it hit Earth's atmosphere. 

He leaned back and let the night settle around him, drinking in the peace and quiet.

His circadian rhythms were out of whack, probably as much due to his unwillingness to give into sleep as the artificial environment of the Mountain where there was no night.  But it was nice to feel drowsiness creeping up on him. 

The steps were just uncomfortable enough to keep him on the edge of wakefulness, without being so uncomfortable he wanted to move.  He let his eyelids droop closed and sat still . . . waiting . . . though he had no idea what for.

A resounding thump behind him jerked him back to awareness some time later.  A rolled-up sleeping bag knocked him sideways since he was unprepared for the attack.  Reflexively he grabbed it before it fell to the ground. 

"Jack?"

"Thought you might like to try sleeping outdoors tonight."

"Okay . . ."  Daniel rose and tossed the sleeping bag back down on the deck.  "Who won?"

"We did.  For a change."

"Who's we?"

"Chicago Black Hawks, who else?"

"I don't know.  The Colorado Redwings?"

"Ah, come on, Daniel.  You said you'd only lost 'who' you are.  Everybody knows you cheer for your home team."

"Aren't we in Colorado?"

"Yeah, but my home team is Chicago."

Daniel scrunched up his face, trying to follow the logic.  "Good, you won."  He gave up.  "Why are we sleeping outside?"

Jack threw a pillow at him.  "Why do you think we're sleeping outside?"

"Uhm . . . because you don't want to change the sheets inside?"

"Think again, genius.  I changed the sheets while you were chasing demons in the woods this afternoon.  You want to sleep in your bed, you're welcome to."

"Uhhh, Jack?”

“What?”

“I'm not following."

O'Neill tossed down another pillow at the head of a second sleeping bag, toed off his Dockers, and leaned over to unzip the bag. 

"I just thought maybe it's something about being inside, being in a bed, with covers and all.  Did you have nightmares on Vis Uban?"

"No."  Daniel sat back down on the steps to unlace his boots.

"So, think of this as an experiment.  I'm thinking you probably slept on the ground, in a tent, on Vis Uban?"

"Yes?"

"So, maybe sleeping out under the stars will be different from sleeping inside, in a bed, with sheets and blankets that are maybe . . . a little . . . restrictive."

"How's a sleeping bag not restrictive?"

"You want to do this or not?"

"Sorry.  It's certainly worth a try." 

Daniel pulled his boots off, unzipped the side of the sleeping bag, and slid gratefully into the warmth.  He turned on his back and lay looking up at the stars again. 

"Jack?"

"You're welcome, Daniel.  By the way, the bathroom is down the hall on the right, I left the light on, and I left a new toothbrush out on the sink.  Razors and shaving cream are underneath."

Daniel smiled.  "The sink?"

"Yeah."

"Jack?"  He tried again, though he had no idea how to thank the man for the obvious effort he was making to ease him back into this life.

"Daniel?"

"It's good to be back." 

Thinking of his talk with Sam, Daniel hoped his friend was hearing the unspoken message he was trying to convey.

Jack slid into his own sleeping bag.  "It's good to have you back.  Goodnight, Daniel."

"Nite, Jack."

*           *          *

"Hey, Teal'c."  Daniel glanced up briefly from the small statue he was examining under the magnifying glass. 

Several minutes passed before he looked up again and realized the Jaffa was still standing imperturbably in the doorway. 

"Did you want me for something?  It's not lunch time already is it?" 

He glanced automatically at the large wall clock and saw it was only 10:30.  Puzzled, he looked back at the patiently waiting alien.

"I wish to converse with you, Danieljackson."

"Okay." Daniel tilted his head inquiringly.  "You want to come in then?"

"Thank you."  Teal'c inclined his head as he entered the office.

"Uhm, was there some reason you didn't just - come in?"  He pushed away the magnifying glass.

The little statue he’d been studying had been in the box of things that had been given to him the day before, but Daniel didn't remember anyone giving it to him.

"O'Neill informed us you requested we wait for your response before entering your domain."

"What?  Oh, never mind.  I know what that’s about."  Daniel waved him in, looking around for an empty chair.  "Hey, do you recognize this?"

"I am perfectly at ease standing, Danieljackson."

"I can empty the stool, or the sofa."

"It is not necessary."  Teal'c moved across the room to stand at parade rest in front of the desk.  "I believe that is the statue Majorcarter has had in her office.  You kept it on top of your computer monitor.  Do you not recognize it?"

Daniel looked up again.  "I know it's an Egyptian funerary statue, if that's what you're asking.  Otherwise, no, I don't recognize it as mine.  Why would Sam put it in the box?"

"I do not know the answer to that question.  You will have to ask Majorcarter directly."

"Oh, okay."  Daniel had risen to go move things.  He sat back down, wondering suddenly, if the Jaffa had come to talk about Sha’re.  He was definitely not ready to tackle that subject with Teal'c. 

"So, Jack's pissed because I asked him to knock yesterday." 

The archeologist smiled - a mischievous, confiding smile that had Teal'c's lips twitching in response. 

"Actually, I think Jack's trying to hone my survival instincts, despite the fact he thinks it's a lost cause."  Daniel shrugged.  "Anyway, who's going to snatch me out of my office?"

The Jaffa raised an eyebrow.  "We have had more than one foothold situation here on base, Danieljackson."

"Foothold situation?"

"Aliens have attempted to take over the base."

For a moment, eyes wide, Daniel searched the impassive face.  "You're joking, right?"

"I am not.  We have had several attempts in the past six years."

"Oh."  He carefully put down the statue he was still holding.  "Okay . . . So, anyway, I just asked Jack to knock." 

He still could discern no pattern to what he remembered and what he didn't.  It made no sense he knew all about the Goa'uld, but did not remember Sha’re, let alone the fact she'd been taken as a host.  Or that he had a working knowledge of the Stargate and its capabilities, but had no memory of having opened it. 

Plus, what was coming back was as jumbled and unrelated as scissors to rock.

"If you are too busy to converse at the moment, I shall come back again at a more convenient time."

"Sorry."  Daniel shook his head.  "You did say you wanted to have a conversation.”  He shoved away the little statue and a pile of unopened envelopes.  “Now is fine.  I was just going through the box of things from yesterday." 

Teal'c paused a moment to study the young man, then began with an unusual gambit.  "You are aware I am one hundred and five years old by the way the Tau'ri measure birth years?"

Surprised again, Daniel spread his hands in a gesture of resignation.  "Uhm, no.  Maybe I was before, but no one's mentioned it to me this time around.  You're full of surprises, Teal'c."

The alien inclined his head briefly.  "I mention this to you because I wish you to understandIhave had some experience in these matters."

"Okay.  What matters?"  Daniel inquired, responding perfectly to his cue.

Teal'c was silent again for several moments. 

Daniel met his gaze confidently, if a little puzzled. 

"I have sensed a new maturity in you, Danieljackson, since your return from being Ascended."

A half amused, half rueful smile and a raised eyebrow met this sally.  "Which is not to say I was ever bratty or petulant."

"That is beside the point."

"Okay . . .?  Then you want to tell me where you're going with this?"  Daniel asked pointedly, when Teal'c still did not continue.

The left corner of the usually impassive mouth turned down slightly, the equivalent of a sigh from the Jaffa.  "Even with this new self-confidence you still doubt your worth here at the SGC, and more importantly, your worth to SG-1."

Daniel looked down at the counter.  "What is it you want from me, Teal’c?"

"I want nothing from you, Danieljackson.  If it were in my power, I would gladly give you what you seek, but I am not sure what it is you seek.  Are you?"

"Well, there you go.  You've put your finger square on the problem.  How can I find it if I don't even know what it is I'm looking for?  Thank you so much for pointing that out to me."  The archeologist looked up, meeting Teal'c's dark-eyed gaze squarely. 

He had to spread both hands on the counter in order to keep from crossing his arms over his chest, but he managed.

Teal'c recognized the discomfort he'd engendered and could only admire the younger man that much more, but he was not done. 

"That is the one thing O'Neill taught you I wish you had failed to learn.  Sarcasm still does not become you, Danieljackson."

"Ya think?"

"Neither are you as proficient at it as is O'Neill."  A muscle twitched in the square jaw.

"As I understand it, I've already had five years at the Jack O'Neill Finishing School, so you're probably right.  I will never be as proficient as Jack at anything."  Daniel deliberately rifled through the stack of envelopes and pulled one out. 

When Teal'c did not take the hint and leave, he looked up once more. 

"Something else on your mind?"

"I thought perhaps you would like to join me again, in meditation.  Perhaps you will find there what it is you seek that eludes you so assiduously."

"Assiduously," Daniel parroted.  "You been reading the dictionary?"

The Jaffa was not to be sidetracked from his mission.  "I am incapable of offering you comfort in the way Majorcarter, or even O'Neill, can reach you.  I have carefully considered what it is I may do for you and I realize what I offer may be neither effective, or useful.  However, it is, I believe, what I have to offer. Will you not allow me to impart my assistance in this manner, Danieljackson?"

The pencil that had found its way into his hands snapped in half.  Daniel threw down the pieces, put his head back, and closed his eyes, giving in and wrapping his arms around his chest. 

"I'm sorry, Teal'c," he offered quietly.

"As am I."  Teal'c inclined his head respectfully.  "I should have spent more time considering how best to approach this subject with you.  It was not my intention to antagonize you."  The Jaffa hesitated, half turning away.  Turning just his head back, he added, with more gentleness than the linguist would have imagined him capable of, "You have overcome much in the short span of your life, Danieljackson.  I am in awe of your ability, not only to meet, but surmount, every situation you encounter.  That is an ability few possess; you are very gifted.  I believe you have temporarily lost sight of that gift.  You will overcome this as well; of that, I am certain."

Daniel sucked in a sharp breath.  "You honor me with your words, Teal'c," he replied with equal formality.  "But your faith may well be misplaced."

"I do not believe so."

The totally unexpected, unqualified respect and affection the huge alien had allowed to show, not just in words, but in his face and voice, ignited the vulnerable aching part of Daniel that wanted so much to be part of this again; the part that was buried under the rubble of his memories.

A new twist of fiber twined about his thread of trust, strengthening the bonds drawing him further into the safe harbor they were so freely offering.

Family.

Suddenly there were feelings, drenching emotions, pouring off the innocuous word.  Not precisely memories, but perhaps the ghosts of memories, shackled and chained still, in the recesses of his mind. 

Yes, he was assiduously seeking his past, but perhaps what he was really seeking was the treasure he instinctively knew was buried in the rubble . . . family.

A single tear slipped free of the damp lashes.  Daniel, eyes squeezed shut, jerked at the feather light touch of a thumb against his cheek.

"Perhaps," Teal'c rumbled softly, "I also have learned from O'Neill."  He inclined his head, enigmatically.  "I will not speak of this again, Danieljackson, unless you initiate the conversation."

"Teal'c," Daniel managed, "please . . . wait."

The Jaffa stopped, framed in the doorway, but respectfully did not turn back.

"When . . ." Daniel cleared his throat, "when do you meditate?"

"I generally meditate in the evenings after the SGC has quieted for the night."  Teal'c looked over his shoulder.  "However, as you are now going home with O'Neill, that will not be convenient for you.  If you think you would like to join me, I had thought perhaps to change it to morning."

"What time?"

"Perhaps after breakfast?" Teal'c offered.

"I would like to join you.  Thank you."

"I will look forward to tomorrow morning, Danieljackson."  Once more the Jaffa inclined his head, this time in farewell.

Teal'c's big frame had hardly disappeared before Sam was knocking.  "Hey, you.  Can I come in?"  She wandered in at his nod, working hard at appearing casual, though her eyes were frantic with worry.  "So . . . what's up?"

The words were scarcely out of her mouth when Jack's open-handed smack resounded against the door frame.  "What's wrong?" he demanded, without the slightest pretense, frowning at Carter as he stomped to the counter and cast a critical eye over Daniel.

"Nothing."  Daniel looked between Sam and Jack, who were eyeing each other.

Jack's frown deepened as his gaze swiveled back to Daniel.  "Well, what happened?"

"Nothing happened.  I just . . . had a conversation with Teal'c."

"About what?" the Colonel demanded.

Both Daniel's eyebrows went up.  "About meditating.  Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Uh, guys?  Feeling a little excluded here," Sam chimed in.

Daniel shrugged.  "Teal'c just came to see if I wanted to meditate with him." 

He was not prepared to offer up either his reaction to Teal'c's unsolicited confidence, or the additional piece of the puzzle that had shifted into place. 

His fingers brushed the little statue as he unconsciously spread his hands again. 

He picked it up, thankful for the believable diversion.  "Sam?  I found this in the box of stuff from yesterday."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you I put it there.  I dropped it in the box while we were waiting for you to finish up with Janet.  What with the rush to get out of here, it slipped my mind.  I'm sorry."

"No big deal.  I just didn't remember anyone giving it to me.  Little things like that are disconcerting, you know?  Makes me wonder if I'm losing it again; or at the very least, worse than I've already lost it."

"You're rambling, Daniel."

"Oh."  Daniel glanced at Jack.  "Is that a bad thing?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you're pissed and I don't know why.  What have I done now?"

"Carter, I need a few minutes with Daniel.  Why don't you go find Teal'c and we'll meet you shortly for an early lunch."

"Yes, sir."  Sam recognized a dismissal when she heard one.  Behind the Colonel's back, she grimaced, then blew the archeologist a kiss for luck.  "See you in the Mess."

"Carter told me you asked her about Sha’re."  Jack jumped in with both feet. "Did you talk to Teal'c about her, too?"

"What?"

"Did you confront Teal'c about Sha’re?"

"No."

Jack stopped pacing.  "You didn't talk about Sha’re?"

"With Sam, last night, yes.  Sha’re's name never came up with Teal'c," Daniel answered honestly, suddenly realizing Jack was in full-on mother bear mode and that both his teammates had been picking up on his unconscious, though obviously agitated, emotional state. 

"Jack," he began, shoving his glasses to the top of his head.  "Teal'c just helped me . . . uhm . . . figure out some things.  It took a more . . . uhm . . . clinical form . . . sort of in the nature of a debriding actually, before I understood where he was trying to take me."

Jack propped both hands on the counter and sunk his chin between his shoulders.  "And?"

"And . . . I finally figured it out."

"So, share."

Daniel began to chew his bottom lip.  "I'd rather not go back there just yet."

Jack eyed the archeologist a moment longer.  "You going to meditate with him?"

"Yes."

"Good.  Let's go to lunch."

Daniel readily slid off the stool.  "That's it?  You're not going to harass me until I tell you?"  He reached up and rehooked his glasses in the neck of his t-shirt as he followed his teammate out the door.

Jack slid his own card through the reader to lock the office.  "I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready." 

His extra two inches of height made it easy to sling an arm around Daniel's shoulders as they headed down the hall. 

Yep, one of these days he was going to start saying no, just not today.

*           *           *

Breakfast in the Mess the next morning was a relatively quiet affair.  Very uncharacteristically, Jack still wasn't awake.  Daniel was vaguely anxious he had committed to meditating with Teal'c.  Sam was refiguring numbers in her head, and Teal'c was carefully not watching the archeologist make an effort to calm his fidgets.

Jack woke up enough to glance at Daniel as the four of them rose with their empty trays.  "You okay this morning?"

"I'm fine."

"Daniel."

Daniel's shoulders stiffened, as did his jaw.  For a long moment they were locked in a silent battle of wills. 

"All right.  I don't feel great, but I'm okay."  The linguist folded.

"Don't over do it then.  I'll see you guys later."  Jack peeled off toward the disposal area.

"Daniel, stop by my lab when you and Teal'c are done, I'll get the tablet for you."

"Okay.  Thanks, Sam."

"Yep, see you later.  Have fun, guys."

"I will see you later, in the gym, Majorcarter."

Sam waved and headed out after Jack.

Teal'c and Daniel headed for the Jaffa’s quarters.

Teal'c closed the door gently behind them and stood waiting while Daniel absorbed the atmosphere. 

He'd lit the candles prior to leaving for breakfast, knowing the light and scent would turn the spartan, militarily-appointed room into a haven, and he was anxious that his teammate’s experience here be warm and welcoming. 

He desired that his friend would wish to return here time and again.  The candles, a hold over from the days when he had had to perform kel'no'reem regularly, transformed the windowless, analogous room into sacred space. 

Teal'c gracefully indicated a cushion he had placed on the floor for the archeologist.

"I do not know how long it has been since you sat for an extended period of time on the floor.  I thought you would be more comfortable beginning again with something to sit on."

Daniel sank effortlessly into a meditation posture. 

Teal'c joined him on the floor, facing him.  "You may wish to move one of the candles in front of you, Danieljackson, as a reference point.  Again, I do not know how much you remember, or how much of this will come back to you naturally.  Since I no longer require kel'no'reem, when I meditate I generally choose a focus for that meditation.  A problem I have been unable to solve, a dream that has eluded me, a thought I wish to expand upon.  And then I empty my mind and focus only on the flame of the candle."

"Become one with the candle."

"That would certainly be Oma Desala's interpretation.  I prefer to think of it as becoming one with my inner self.  It is here, in this chamber," the Jaffa touched his chest lightly, "that I have most often found the answers I seek.  When I am too busy to seek them here, the answers come much more slowly."

Daniel stretched his fingers, then loosely closed his fists, resting his wrists lightly on his folded knees.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Uhm, how long are we going to be here?"

"Approximately one hour.  You will not disturb me, however, if you wish to leave before I have completed my own meditation."  Teal'c raised an eyebrow.  "You will disturb me more if you stay and fidget."

Daniel returned the unborn smile.  "I'll try not to fidget."

"Is there anything else?"

"No.  I'm ready."

Teal'c inclined his head and closed his eyes.  As effortlessly as Daniel had assumed the meditation posture, Teal'c waited.  It was one of his gifts, instilled through his rigorous Jaffa training. 

He used it now to draw his companion into the quiet stillness.  He matched his breathing to Daniel's and realized, with a start, that Daniel had already slipped into a relatively calm state of repose.  He had expected it to take the younger man longer this first time back, but as was often the case, the archeologist had surprised him yet again. 

The Jaffa smiled and drew in a quiet lungful of rarefied air.

Daniel surfaced slowly, almost an hour-on-the-dot later, only marginally aware of where he was at first.  For a long moment he sat with his eyes closed, savoring the quiet calm he'd brought with him.  He had recognized that thread of trust again, observed how strong it was despite its deceptively slender appearance, had wrapped a bit of it around his little finger as a reminder, and come back to himself calmer than he had been since the first nightmare had woken him from an exhausted sleep. 

He opened his eyes to find Teal'c watching him.  The expressionless face was full of understanding and patience, Daniel saw with new eyes. 

He smiled gratefully.  "May I come back?"

Ah, yes, Teal'c smiled in response, definitely a new maturity.  "I would be honored if you would join me as often as you are able, Danieljackson."

"Thanks.  I’ll plan on it."  Daniel unfolded himself and helped to snuff out the remaining candles.  "Teal'c, have I messed up your schedule by making you change your meditation time?"  He held the door as Teal'c followed him out into the hall.

"You did not make me change anything and the answer to your question is no.  My schedule is extremely flexible.  I do not have the responsibilities either O'Neill or Majorcarter have.  Most of my Earth time here at the SGC is taken up with instructing in the martial arts arena or assisting Majorcarter with her many projects.  Occasionally O'Neill requires hand-holding on some project he has undertaken, but those are rare occurrences."

"Jack?  Projects?"

Teal'c reflected that O'Neill's latest project was Danieljackson, but thought it decidedly unwise to point that out. 

"Usually they involve a number of tools and an engineer who can fix what he has taken apart.  Unless he is under the influence of alien technology."

"Sounds like a story."

"Indeed."  Teal'c sluiced his card through the reader to call the elevator.  "You should query O'Neill about the experience some time.  Perhaps you will find it amusing now.  It was not at the time."  He bowed Daniel on to the elevator going up.  "I will take the next one down.  I am going to the gym.  I will see you later, at lunch."

"Teal'c?"  Daniel put a hand on the elevator door.  "Thank you."

"You are most welcome, Danieljackson."

*           *           *

"So, what do you have on your finger?"

Daniel, buckling his seatbelt as Jack slid into the driver's seat, looked down at his hand.  The fingers of his right hand strayed to the barely noticeable, loosely wound thread on his left, little finger, and began to fidget. 

"Just some thread.  Why are we leaving so early?" 

The late afternoon sun was slanting directly in through the windshield.

Jack started the truck, glancing over at his companion.  "Just some thread?" he echoed.  "That just happened to wind itself around your finger?  I've probably got some string at home somewhere.  Aren't you supposed to use string?"

Daniel turned his head to look out the window as they drove out of the Cheyenne Mountain parking lot.  "I don't want string." 

In a blatant attempt to change the subject he repeated, "Why are we leaving so early?"

"Because Hammond told me to get you back into civilian clothes.  Want to tell me what it is you're trying to remember?"

"Actually, it's not something I'm trying to remember.  It's more like . . . something I'm trying to hold on to.  Can't this wait until I'm back from the dead?"

"Apparently not."  When no argument came back, Jack moved on.  "How did the meditation go with Teal'c this morning?"

Daniel closed his eyes and shook his head, drawing in a long, deep breath, then slowly letting it out.  "How did you know it had to do with meditating?"

The Colonel glanced over with a surprised chuckle.  "Didn't.  I was trying to change the subject since it didn't appear you wanted to talk about it."

Dropping his hands to his lap, Daniel sighed.  He wondered if it was another bad habit of his, this sighing all the time, or was this a new habit he was only just developing. 

"I just wanted . . . needed . . . something tangible to remind me this isn't really the leap of faith it feels like to me."

Jack heard the quiet desperation underlying the weary declaration.  He waited out the silent interval without once tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

Daniel leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes.  "In the woods the other day . . . and again this morning, mediating with Teal'c . . . I'm not sure quite how to explain it."  He shook his head slightly.  "It's like there's this thread of trust . . . I can see it, I know it's there intellectually, but I can't quite touch it."

"So, basically, what you're telling me is you know you can trust us, but it's difficult to do."

"Basically," Daniel agreed, opening his eyes.  "In my head it's slightly more complicated than that, but, yes."

"And the thread is a tangible reminder you really do know you can trust us, even if it doesn't feel like it?"

"Yes."

Jack glanced over at his best friend.  "I can give you some fishing line.  Stuff's nearly unbreakable."

"Thanks, but this works for me.  Where are we going?"

"First we're going to get something to eat, then we're going shopping."

"I really wish this could wait until they get me back on payroll.  Dead guys don't carry around much cash.  And my Visa wasn't much use in the ether.  Besides, I think it expired while I was gone."

"On the other hand, dead guys with friends are in luck."  Jack fished a credit card out of an inside pocket and waved it.  "Never leave home without it.  By the way, did Hammond tell you he managed to wangle back pay?"

"No." Money had never captured Daniel's attention on any level.

"He got you the full benefits package.  Ya know, with what you've got in the bank, plus a year's salary, you could probably put a hefty down payment on a house, if not buy one outright."

"I don't want a house."

"Why not?"

Daniel shrugged.  "Don't know.  The idea just has no appeal."

"Hey, nobody said you had to live in it, but the money's not going to do you much good sitting in the bank, or going into rent.  You should at least think about it."

"Sure." 

Daniel glanced over in time to catch the suspicious look Jack shot at him over his easy acquiescence. 

He shrugged.  "Money in the bank . . . you kept my stuff . . . why?"

"First of all, we didn't keep all your stuff.  But I suppose what we did, we kept because we weren't ready to let you go."  Jack studied the highway intently.  "Look, I've never been good at this touchy feely stuff.  Frankly, until you came along and made me talk about Charlie, I never even knew I had feelings." 

O'Neill scrounged in the glove compartment for the sunglasses he kept in the truck.  He was so used to coming and going in the dark anymore, he'd forgotten his dark glasses in his office.

"I could use a few lessons on how not to feel right now."  Daniel twitched nervously.

"That's really not a place you want to go, Danny.  You're far too young to be as cynical and misanthropic as I am." 

Jack had hoped to lighten the mood a little, maybe even get a chuckle out of his friend.  What he did get tightened his gut and drove home the fact the despondency radiating off Daniel was not something to be laughed off.

"Life started pissing on me at eight, Jack.  I may not have quite as many years, but I've damn well got the mileage.  And I have to tell you, right now it feels like someone's snipped every nerve ending in my body and left them raw and bleeding."

"Ugh!"  Jack glanced at his friend.  "That's an image I could have lived without." 

He already had too many pictures of Daniel drenched in his own blood, dying from some staff blast, crushed under a pile of rocks, head cracked open like . . . Jack shook his head.  No need to go there right now. 

"What brought this on?" 

Daniel had turned back to the window, but just from the set of his shoulders Jack could tell he was fighting to stay in control of his emotions.  The good thing was, Daniel had never suffered from an excess of alpha male syndrome.  The pre-ascension Daniel had never bothered to try to stop tears, or even deny them in front of his friends.  Jack fervently hoped the post descended Daniel was still able to access that ability.

"Can you tell me?" he asked quietly.  "Or should I change the subject again?"

The archeologist didn’t respond for several long moments, and when he finally did, the weariness was back in his voice.

"I came across some of my old mission journals in the boxes they brought up the other day.  They've been . . . filling in some holes, I guess.  But . . . opening up others."

"Uhm . . . Have I mentioned I have all your personal journals at my place?"

"No.  When I came across these, I did wonder.  If I kept mission journals, I must have kept personal journals."

"You did.  And I should probably tell you - I had every intention of having them edited some day, after the Stargate program is made public, and published.  The story of the man who opened the Stargate for Earth.  You know, life time accomplishment kind of stuff, yada, yada, yada."

"If anything happens to me again, promise me you won't do that."

“Hmmm.”  Jack tilted his head.  "No, sorry, can't do that."

"Guess I'll have to burn them then."

"Never happen," Jack replied, confidently. 

For Daniel to burn any book would be like cutting his own heart out, much less a book he'd written.  And it was clearly time to change the subject. 

"So, I never got around to doing more than flipping your bank accounts into CD's.  Figured after Baal's, I'd ask what you wanted me to do with it next time I saw you."

"Baal's?" Daniel asked, confused.  "The System Lord, Baal?"

"Yeah, that would be the one."

"After Baal's?"

"Long story.  Thing is, I didn't see you again until you dropped by to do your Elvis impression in the elevator at the SGC.  Turns out Teal'c had seen you in between, but he didn't bother to mention it until I had to 'fess up you were the one who'd asked for our help on Abydos."

"Oh . . . that must gone over . . . interestingly."

"Actually," Jack grinned, "nobody seemed the least bit surprised.  Carter was pissed you hadn't come to see her.  Hammond didn't even blink, just said the magic words; you have a go."

"Wow."

"Pretty much.  So, about that trust thing?  You do realize it goes both ways?"

Daniel closed his eyes again.  "I do.  But you're deliberately missing the point."

"Hey, we trusted you when you told us about Abydos."

"If some stranger had shown up claiming to be Daniel Jackson, would you have just handed over the keys to the Mountain and gone on about your business?"

"It wasn't a stranger, it was you."

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Argue just for the sake of arguing.  You know damn well what I'm trying to get across here.  Would you please stop playing dumb and listen to me."

Jack did not do contrite well, even when he was actually feeling it.  "All right, all right, so we're still strangers to you."

"Thank you."  Daniel yanked at the collar of his jacket.  "And further more, you have the DNA tests to prove I am Daniel Jackson, even if I don't know it."

"Yes, Daniel, we do know you are you.  And none of the rest of us have had our brains egg-beatered.  However, no one expects you to automatically trust us either."

"Yes, you do," Daniel countered.  "And you don't even realize it.  That's what makes this so hard."

Jack sighed.  "Give me an example."

For a long moment, Daniel stared at the chiseled profile.  "Forget it," he sighed, turning back to the window.  "It's my problem.  I have to work it out."

And there was that quiet desperation again. 

"Now who's checking out?  You can't start an argument like this then just throw up your hands and say I quit."

"I don't want to argue.  And if you don't even know you're doing it, it's kind of hard to accuse you of doing it malevolently.  Which I already know you're not, so we're back to square one." 

The old Daniel would have been bouncing in his seat by this point.  The new Daniel had barely raised his voice. 

"I want . . . desperately . . . not to be afraid.  I don't like being afraid." 

Massive understatement. 

"But it doesn't go away just because I want it to.  I don't know what else to do but move forward, inch by inch if I have to; leap where I can, crawl when I can't."

"You understand we're with you every step of the way, inch by inch, or leap by leap?"

"Yes, Jack.  I understand that, and I appreciate it, but it's also - just occasionally - wearing.  Especially when it feels like I'm dragging every one of you along with me."

"Hovering?"

Daniel turned his head sharply, surprised.  "Yes, actually."

"Okay, I can see that.  I'm sorry . . . we're just . . . so damned overjoyed to have you back.  See, the part you don't get, Daniel, is how much we missed you.  You were out there in the great big universe finding out what it feels like to be a tree, or a lightening bolt . . . hell, whatever you wanted to be!  While we were back here on Earth trying to figure out how to get along without you."

"So, I was . . . happy out there?"

"Yes," Jack admitted honestly.  "I'd say you were having one hell of a time out there, really getting a handle on all that meaning-of-life stuff.  On the other hand, it was fairly clear by Abydos you were getting pretty fed up with their petty little rules."

Making a concerted effort not to sigh, Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose.  "I need to know why I'm here.  I need to know what happened to me to get me here.  I need to know . . . who I am.  And you can't give me any of that, Jack, so I need you to be patient until I can figure it out.  I need you to stop hovering over me like I'm some new and rare artifact.  I'm sorry I can't come up with some appropriate fishing metaphor here . . . wait, like the biggest catch you ever made!" he finished with a slight air of triumph.

"Now you've missed the point.  See, fishing's not about what you catch, it's about the process of catching."  Jack glanced over at his companion.  "No, wait, I'm not done.  I think you know I get it.  I need for you to understand is, I might - occasionally - just right here at first, need you to cut me a little slack .  This is new territory for both of us.  I've got my very own Lazarus, and I'm no Jesus Christ who can take it all in stride.  Metaphorically speaking, I'm still catching my breath that my 'dead' best friend is back in a physical body, that I can touch you again, listen to you breathe.  And, yes, I know how absolutely sappy that sounds, but there it is.  I'll get over it . . . eventually.  So, if I promise to work really hard at not hovering, you think you can forgive me when I just can't resist the urge?" he finished, giving Daniel's hair a quick ruffle, a gesture that had always gotten a rise from the pre-ascended archeologist. 

Daniel ducked out of it now, shrugging, though the usual eye roll and frustrated groan were missing. 

"Well?"  Jack demanded.  "I just spilled my guts here, you going to reciprocate?"

"Think I've already spilled my share, but I will try, too, Jack.  I'm sorry I've been so difficult."

"Can it."  Jack smacked him gently upside the head.  "I don't want to hear that.  If you're ever anything but difficult, I'll start believing they sent us back a Daniel from an alternate universe."

"Speaking of alternate universes . . ."

"Can't."  Jack pulled into the mall parking lot and took the first spot he found.  "Talk about that stuff in public that is.  But to answer you question, yes, we have been to alternate universes.  You've been more than once and based on what we've seen in the quantum mirror, there are an infinite number of them out there."

"Really?"

"Really.  Let's go get this job done.  I hate shopping."

*           *           *

Jack was still congratulating himself on the success of their shopping trip the previous evening as he and Daniel signed into the Mountain, right on the heels of Carter, who was turning away toward the elevator. 

"Morning, Major."

"Morning, Colonel.  Daniel."  She did a double take over her shoulder and swung around to look at them full on.  "Whoa!  Did you guys get fashion make-overs or something last night?"

"Hey, I think I'm insulted."

Colonel O'Neill was dressed in khaki slacks and a dark brown polo shirt, under the ever present leather jacket.  His sunglasses were hanging in the vee of his shirt and that gorgeous silvering hair was still damp from the shower. 

He grinned easily at his 2IC.  "I did good, huh?"
 
Daniel was in light-blue jeans and a light-blue denim button-down shirt that accentuated his eyes beautifully.  He'd left the shirt un-tucked under a battered blue and khaki all-weather jacket Sam assumed was an old one of Jack's since the sleeves came nearly to the tips of his fingers. 

‘Security blanket’, she thought, crinkling her nose as she smiled brightly at her men.  ‘You are one lucky woman, Samantha Carter.’ 

"Couldn't get him into a new jacket, though," the Colonel snarked, confirming her thought.

"Yes, you did, sir.  Very good," Sam practically cooed, grinning to beat the band.  "Daniel, don't you need to see Janet this morning before you go change?"

The archeologist's eyebrows went up.  "No.  She didn't tell me I had to see her this morning, just sometime today."

"I think now would be a really good time," Sam insisted, taking his arm.  "Come on, I'll go with you."

"I don't have time to see her now."  He glanced at his watch.  "Teal'c's probably in the Mess already and we still have to change."

"Carter . . ." the Colonel cautioned, working to keep his own grin out of his voice. 

When Hammond had told him to get their archeologist back into civvies coming in and out of the Mountain, he'd briefly considered palming the job off on his 2IC.  However, it had occurred to him Daniel might be even more uncomfortable borrowing money from Carter than him.  So he'd bitten the proverbial bullet and done it himself.

Of course, the fact that Carter had told him where to go might have been the defining factor in their success, especially as the Eddie Bauer store in the mall really had been a one-stop-shopping expedition.  Everything needed to dress a newly descended, multiple Ph.D holder, from underwear to boots, and everything in between. 

The trickiest part had been getting Daniel to look at purchasing a new wardrobe as an investment, rather than an unnecessary waste of time and money.

An exasperated, "Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Daniel!  Would you please get more than two pairs of jeans!  You want to be doing laundry every night?  Because I promise you, I'm not!" had finally turned the tide. 

He'd even managed to convince his reluctant charge a couple of dressier outfits were needed if the team ever decided they wanted to go out someplace other than jello wrestling.

Carter was still billing and cooing as they got on the elevator, oblivious to the SF trying hard to control his mirth in the face of his superior officer's blatant flirting. 

Very few people on the base got his team, Jack thought idly, watching Carter play Daniel like a well-tuned instrument as they boarded the elevator.

“I’m going to eighteen.  Where are you guys going?”

“Eighteen,” Daniel replied emphatically.

Sure enough, Teal'c was waiting for them, along with Quinn, when they made it to the Commissary after changing into uniforms.  They collected their trays and retired to a far corner, hoping to be undisturbed. 

Carter wanted to talk about Daniel's new translation and an idea that had come to her during the night. 

Too bad Daniel's nightmare was either being sublimated by Frasier's drugs, or had short circuited by moving to Jack's.  Maybe if Carter had been worrying about Daniel when she woke up, instead of thinking about the tablet, they wouldn't be on their way to one of the craziest mission briefings Jack was certain he would ever be forced to attend.

Three months ago that damn tablet had given him a major heartache, what with the events surrounding the destruction of Abydos and Daniel's total disappearance from the scene. 

Jack left the briefing with a major headache and a burning desire to do a Moses with the damn tablet.

Carter's latest bright idea involved the F302, the Goa'uld, and a lot of luck.  To be perfectly honest, he didn't mind the Skywalker part, and though he wasn't too keen on sending Teal'c off to Lord Yu alone, getting in bed with the Goa'uld was only his second least favorite part of this scenario. 

His least favorite part, and what had him really pissed off, was Hammond agreeing Daniel should go.  He was even more pissed at Frasier for not picking up on his very broad hint that Daniel still wasn't well.  The kid had barely gotten his newly descended physiological feet under him, let alone his psychological balance.

So Jack was in his office, sulking, or as he preferred to think of it, cooling off after going head to head with both Hammond and Frasier.  He had one hand left to play and he meant to play if for all it was worth. 

He knew if Daniel asked to stay on base, General Hammond would be more than cooperative.  So the thing to do was convince the linguist he didn’t want to go.

Jack could do devious; especially if he got a little help from his other two teammates.  He had a few days before the Tok'ra got their false lead planted.  It was time for him to do a little planting of his own.  He was hoping to find receptive soil.

He ran Carter to ground in her lab but was foiled in any attempt at coaxing or cajoling.  Daniel was with her.

"What's up, kids?"

Carter's head popped up immediately.  "We're playing with a couple of rats, sir."

O'Neill was rarely surprised by anything from his 2IC.  This though, was different enough to engage his complete attention.  "You're playing with rats?" he repeated, certain he'd heard incorrectly.

Daniel's head popped up too.  "Hey, it's really cool.  Come and see."

"Oh-kay." 

Jack strolled across the lab to the far end of the counter where the science twins were hunched over what appeared, at first glance, to be a relatively large cake box.  Except when he joined them, he saw the inside of the box had been turned into a sophisticated maze formed out of some kind of milky-white plastic substance. 

Also inside the box, threading the maze, were two white rats.  One of them had a red dot painted on its back; the other looked like your perfectly normal, everyday white rat. 

"Fascinating," Jack declared, less than truthfully.  "Why are you playing with rats?"

"Check out the monitor, sir."  Carter nodded toward the large flat-screen monitor showing a computer model of the maze with a red dot moving erratically through it.

Jack looked back down at the box.  "How come the dots don't match?  Sparky here's at the wrong end of the box to be the red dot."

"Yes, sir.  But Spanky is at the correct end to match the on-screen dot."

"Sparky and Spanky?"  Daniel rolled his eyes.  "Sam's showing me how the isotope works."

"What?  The Tok'ra actually let you have some of it?"

"Well, sir, I made it perfectly clear to my Dad we weren't putting Daniel on that ship unless we saw for ourselves the stuff really worked.  I think he sweet talked Anise, or maybe Freya.  The rat with the red dot on it is the one I injected with the isotope.  See, he doesn't show up on the monitor.  We've been at this for a couple of hours now.  I also want to make sure it really lasts eight hours so Daniel and Jonas don’t get out there and find out it only lasts half the time the Tok'ra are claiming."

"It has been fascinating, Jack."

"I suppose if my life was dependent on the stuff working, I might actually find it fascinating, too."  Jack poked at Spanky. 

The rat whirled and bit him hard enough to draw blood. 

"Dammit, Carter.  Has that rat had its shots?"

"Most people don't get shots for their snake food. sir.  You better go see Janet; it looks like Sparky got you good."

"I thought that one was Spanky."  Daniel straightened up.  "Come on, O great and fearless leader.  You don't want to be grounded when this thing comes down because of an infected finger.  I'll go down to Janet's with you.  I've got to go see her anyway."

"Why?"

"Mostly because she said I had to."

"And partly because?"

"Thanks, Sam."  Daniel handed Jack a wet paper towel, then a dry one to wrap around the wet one.  "Keep me posted?"

"Sure.  I'm going to set this up to record so I don't have to watch it for the entire remaining six hours.  Looks good so far though."

"Great.  See you later."

"Later, Carter."  Jack fell instep with Daniel as they headed for the elevator.  "So partly because . . .?"

"Partly because I'm still not feeling that great and I don't want to be dragging when we do this thing."

"There is no way you're doing the Gate thing if you're not well."

"I know.  I wouldn't jeopardize the rest of you like that.  If I'm not a hundred percent, I won't go."

"It's not like we need two people to do this.  Quinn can do it by himself."

Daniel glanced at Jack in surprise.  "I thought you didn't send people out alone?"

"No, Daniel, we don't leave our people behind.  There's a difference.  Teal'c's going out alone," Jack pointed out, he hoped persuasively.  "Are you going on this thing just because you think Quinn needs back-up?"

"Of course not."

"Then why are you going?"

"Oh, mostly just to annoy you."

Jack let got of his finger to grab the archeologist by arm.  "You want to yank my chain, go right ahead," he ground out.  "But I want this clearly understood between us - this is not about your proving yourself!"

"Am I part of SG-1 or not?"

"This is not about whether or not you're part of SG-1 either."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes!  There is no question you are part of SG-1, dammit!"

"Then I'm going," Daniel said simply, leaving the histrionics to Jack. 

He shook free of the Colonel and continued down the hall toward the infirmary, disappearing through the doors.

part 5

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